Review: Uberrime Amo

I’m spoiled. This dildo has spoiled me. It’s blown almost everything else out of the water. The Uberrime Amo is what I always finish with these days. I can’t sing its praises anywhere near enough.

I won the Amo in a giveaway, and I spent a while just admiring it when I opened it (yes, I know I always say that. Pretty aesthetic is kind of the door policy, all right?). I was sent the black and white coloration, and it’s…awesome. The heart-shaped head is entirely black, bleeding gradually into white, with a swirl of the two at the base. The sleek lines and color marbling are downright sexy. Also, there’s a sprinkling of beautiful dark red glitter present in the head! I didn’t expect that, but it’s a pretty cool extra.

Okay, it’s a beautiful, elegant shape and coloration. BUT it also feels fantastic. The heart pops a bit going in– that sounds more extreme than it is. The flexibility of the silicone helps get it through,, and then it hooks behind the pubic bone and stays there, freeing me from the “oh god I got overexcited and it went flying out” inevitability. Once it’s there, all I have to do is thrust. The smooth shaft glides easily (especially with a little lube), and the flat head strokes my G-spot effortlessly. Compared to the Goddess, the Alraune, or even my Mona, it feels unfairly easy. Just insert, thrust, and squirt. This is also the toy that makes me squirt most reliably– it’s kind of a problem. My family’s going to get suspicious about how often I wash my sheets if this keeps up. But I can’t really complain about it, all things considered. What am I supposed to say? “The Amo gives me TOO MUCH pleasure, dial it back, please”??

Nah. It’s gorgeous, effortless, and definitely my current favorite dildo. Definitely take one home for yourself if you’re at all into g-spot stimulation!

Enjoy my writing? Pick up your Amo using my affiliate links to Shevibe ($58) or Peepshow Toys ($60)! Short on cash? I have a Patreon too!

Finding My Place

I see stories all around me of sex bloggers who got their start with an electric toothbrush, the water in the bathtub faucet, a Sharpie over their underwear, when they were teenagers, and I feel like a sore thumb, sticking out from sheer inexperience and naivete.

I didn’t even have a sex drive until I was nineteen.

As a teen, sex felt vaguely gross and repulsive, and I identified as asexual for years. I avoided looking at porn, and for a while at Homestuck’s peak, I had every conceivable variant on “tentabulge” blacklisted. I didn’t even like regular dicks, let alone squirmy tentacles. I got through high school just fine not caring about sex, and with the vague idea that if I dated someone, their gender wouldn’t particularly matter to me, as long as they didn’t want to fuck me.

Fast forward to summer session of freshman year of college. Nineteen years old, taking two accelerated courses, constantly tired and surviving on granola bars. I’d fallen in love with a fanfiction series with easily-skippable smut, and was re-reading it on my phone. Inevitably, of course, I caught the end of some of the scenes, and found myself fascinated by them in a way I hadn’t been before. The rest is history. I realized I was bisexual, and for lack of education, went to Spencer’s and bought a crappy, ugly-purple vibrator that was AT LEAST body-safe. It gave me my first several orgasms, but I’ve since lost it and happily upgraded.

I just tried to write an April Fool’s Day blog post about that first vibrator, and realized I couldn’t. I’ve never been the awkwardly hormonal teenager, or the poorly-educated woman buying a jelly dildo. I don’t have that experience to pull from, and everything I write sounds derivative at best.

Two years later, and I’m still learning things about myself. I can’t orgasm easily (sometimes at all) during partnered sex– I get nervous about performing and weirdly shy. I enjoy a lot of pressure on my clit when masturbating. I will stick a blue plant tentacle in my vagina before I go for a realistic dildo. And, as I learned a week ago– I can squirt, as long as I make sure to have at least one clitoral orgasm first.

Two years! And now here I am, reviewing toys, starting a blog, and even though I feel a bit out of place, I don’t think I could have picked a more welcoming community to join. I’m going to fight through this feeling, because it’s worth it. Impostor syndrome won’t get me this time. I’m going on an adventure to fuck the weirdest things I can possibly manage, and my anxiety can just deal with it.

Review: Tantus Goddess

The Tantus Goddess after a bath to get rid of all the cat hair it collects.

The Tantus Goddess was my third-ever dildo. After my disappointing experience with the Fun Factory Amor, I bought the Cush O2 on sale, only to discover that my eyes were MUCH bigger than my vagina. Even the squishy dual-density silicone led to pain at attempted insertion (though I have inserted it ONCE, and it felt great). Frustrated with myself, I went back to the Tantus site, determined to find a smaller dildo. I was drawn to the gentle waves and beautiful iridescent purples on the Goddess, and (after checking the diameter and finding it a hopefully-reasonable 1.55 inches) slam-dunked it into my cart.

Continue reading “Review: Tantus Goddess”

Review: Fun Factory Amor

My first ever review, featuring my first dildo! It felt appropriate.

The Fun Factory Amor is black, stubby, and comes with a suction cup, in case you’ve ever wanted to use a dildo as a coat hook on your wall (I have absolutely done this). It bends and squishes when you squeeze it. It’s a beautiful, attractive black (it also comes in a rosy sort of light pink) that lets me see all the cat hair that accumulates on it. It’s made of silicone and therefore body-safe. The curve and blunt head are elegant and minimalist: while you certainly couldn’t leave it out and claim it was ‘art’, it’s clear that thought was put into its shape. It’s relatively small and manageable at 1.4″ diameter and 5″ insertable.

All of these words sounded like a perfect first-ever dildo to a college student with no experience and a little spending money. I watched my email obsessively for tracking and shipping updates, and I was thrilled when it finally came. That made it all the more disappointing when I realized that the silicone was draggy, scrapey, and entirely not worth the effort it takes to make masturbating even a slightly pleasurable experience.

Seriously, I smear lube onto this thing, already warmed up and aroused with a nice vibrator on my clit, and I can still barely get it into me, let alone move it. It’s something to clench around, but that’s the highest bar it clears. I generally just shove it in after lubing it up, leave it there, and let it fill me up (and then leave it in entirely too long because I dread taking it out). On the positive side, it’s squishy and vaguely pleasant to clench around as long as I do not, under any circumstances, try to thrust it. At that point it’s just distracting.

If the Amor were cast in a different finish (I’ve heard tell of glorious glossy finishes on dildos and really want to get my hands on one), it would be my favorite dildo. Unfortunately, it isn’t, and that ruins any hope the shape had for me. I don’t want to apply a boatload of lube to one dildo just to make it move without ruining my masturbation session. “Technically there” isn’t enough for me to recommend this dildo, unless for some reason you have always wondered what it’s like to fuck yourself with very, very lightly textured sandpaper.

If for some reason you want to try this dildo, it’s available in black or pink at Shevibe.

I Am So Extremely New To This

My name is Timid, and I want to review sex toys. Hopefully in a way that will be useful to people reading this blog. I swear I’m not completely new to writing–if nothing else, reading my reviews shouldn’t give the English majors out there a headache. I’m familiar with the basics of how to describe sensations, and to be honest, I already think about sex toy pros and cons while masturbating. My brain doesn’t know how to shut up, so I may as well channel that into a productive hobby!

In lieu of an actual introduction page (it’s on my very long ‘figure out how to wordpress’ to-do list): I’m college-age, bisexual, and entirely too kinky for my own good. I’m proud to say I’ve never stuck anything made of jelly inside me, though my first sex toy was a buzzy cheap vibrator from Spencer’s. At least it was plastic. (It was also the worst noncommittal “not pink but not purple” color I’ve ever seen, and I’m very glad I lost it when I moved out of my dorm.)

This site is still under construction while I get set up and wrangle WordPress into cooperation! Thanks for your patience, and I hope to make this blog a good resource for those looking into sex toys.